Going round and round?
Are you going round and round in a tractor right now? You are certainly not alone, there’s a mad scramble on right now to catch up after some pretty dismal weather.
Along with the tractor, are your thoughts also going around and around in your head, for the 6,8, or 12 hours you are spending at a time in the tractor cab? This is something I am hearing a lot at the moment, from all quarters.
Firstly, the good news is that you are normal and human. Our brains are problem-solving machines that throw a lot of thoughts, ideas, information, memories and predictions at us, and it is virtually impossible to turn that off. For some of you, you may even dream up your best ideas during this time.
Accepting that these thoughts are impossible to switch off can be very difficult for some people. It helps to know that this is a survival mechanism that does have some useful aspects to it, like being able to judge risk and danger, and creating healthy competition with others. These thoughts are often reflective of the everyday experience of being a human.
So why is this experience so much more problematic for some people? It’s all about how much control your thoughts have over you, and how this then affects your behaviour. This is known as ‘fusion’.
Know this: your thoughts are simply strings of images and words that come and go, they change like the weather, it is normal for them to fluctuate in terms of negative/positive or helpful/unhelpful. Hardly any of them are based in fact. They are often predictions of the worst, mind reading, fortune telling, black and white thinking, catastrophising, generalising, or dichotomous thinking.
We run into problems when we place too much weight on them – acting on them, believing them, saying or doing things you regret, trying to avoid them with alcohol or drugs – generally just not questioning the validity of them at all.
Can you respond flexibly to your thoughts? Can you place some space in between your unhelpful spiralling thoughts by saying to yourself “I’m having the thought that…” and then place your thought after that? Can you imagine your thoughts are like clouds in the sky, shifting, changing and moving? Can you say your thoughts to yourself in a silly voice or write them down with your non-dominant hand? These are all techniques to take some of the “puff” out of your thoughts.
Examining, making space for and allowing repetitive thoughts is equal to dropping the struggle with trying to control them – I understand that this may be quite the opposite to what you are told and taught in society, but trying to push them down isn’t working, so why not approach it in a different way?
Try to “stand back” in your mind from your thoughts. Notice them, breathe into them, imagine that your body is expanding in the chest area to make space for them. If you are feeling brave, try welcoming them in – this sounds strange I know, but is very much evidence-based and has helped many people before you. Check in with yourself.
Can you focus your attention on where are you are right now – can you see the horizon, birds, grass, tree lanes? Can you hear the tractor engine, the clunk of rocks (not too big I hope!), the crackly radio? Can you smell the diesel, the smell of warm dust? Is there anything else in this experience right here and now that you can just notice and be fully present in? This is the beginning of learning how to live in the moment, free from the pain of the past or future. Can you also offer yourself some kindness while you are here?
If you can immerse yourself in some of these concepts, you will begin to understand what it feels like to gain a little control over where you focus your time and attention. And a funny thing happens – by dropping the struggle with controlling your thoughts, they WILL begin to change for the better.
This is the secret and it’s no secret at all.