The harrowed truth
(WARNING: contains discussion around suicide)
In the weekend, I attended my daughter’s 21st birthday. She is a farm hand in Central Otago and so, there was a good crowd of young rural people there. They were having a great time, all in all.
But it was one conversation that I have been thinking of ever since that night. I spoke to a young man who is involved in Young Farmers and what we talked about that night confirmed to me that what I had been concerned about was real, and it was happening in more and more frequency.
I’m talking about rural mental health and suicide. I already knew we had a problem in rural New Zealand, and I had been feeling like a Lone Ranger in spreading what I already knew, and desperately wanted everyone else to know. This young fella knew it too. We both talked, seeing the problem but also acknowledging that as a country, we have been looking in the wrong places.
It is a common thought that rural mental health and suicide issues are caused by financial issues and adverse weather, causing crops to fail and animal health to suffer. We imagine the old farmer, head in hands, despairing at the bank’s forfeiture letter, taking matters into his own hands. And don’t get me wrong - this probably does occur sometimes, and it’s bloody sad. But that’s not where the main problem lies.
If you only take one thing from this, please let it be this: The main sufferers of poor mental health and suicide statistics are our young men: our farm hands, assistants, stockmen. Young (18-25 yrs) rural farm workers are more than twice as likely to take their lives than any other industry. And of all of those young fella’s (96% are male), and five out of six will use a gun. (All claims in this piece can be referenced).
The main causes of the despair leading to a suicide in this demographic, are interpersonal relationship problems/breakdowns, and isolation from family. So if a young male farm worker has recently broken up with a partner, had a fight with a mate or works for a prick of a boss that constantly puts down or blames him for things going wrong, that guy is in trouble. Especially if he has moved away from his family to work on the farm. Despair plus loneliness plus potentially booze/drugs plus easy access to guns are the perfect storm.
I don’t know all of the answers. I’m no expert. I only hold bachelor degrees in psychology, sociology and counselling, so everything that I know is what I’ve seen and learned on my journey. But I do know that I’m in the thick of it - I’m in rural Southland and I work as a counsellor privately and at a rural high school. The way that our boys communicate is quite often quite “macho”, tough talk, no room for being “soft”, and asking for help would be seen as weak. When I addressed the boys at the school where I work during assembly, you could have heard a pin drop. I told them simply that I do not know any of them - I don’t know their names - because they never come to me. But I do know that I don’t believe they do not suffer. I asked them who they go to when they need help - deafening silence. I told them how to make an appointment with me and left. Now half my workload is boys and I couldn’t be happier. They have learned that it’s hard to ask for help, but when you do, it can truly help to process things and I teach them how to communicate to those around them and how to ask for help from their “people”.
When it comes to young blokes on farms, what do we do? The people who are best placed to ask these guys how they are doing, are already on the ground - they are rural reps: Wrightsons, Farmlands, RD1, farm insurance reps like FMG, rural bank managers that visit the farm, accountants, contractors etc. They are far more approachable and accepted by farm workers because they are there for a primary task which is not focussed on mental health. If I rocked up to a farm and asked about mental wellbeing, they’d probably tell me to piss off. If you are already on the ground, you are the best person to help. Sometimes just acknowledging that things are tough right now is all they need.
If you are the family member of such a young bloke, what can you do? Phone calls, text messages, any kind of contact letting them know that you are just a phone call away and that you will accept them, no matter what. Get that message through however you can. If you notice that they are having a difficult time with their relationship, go with your gut - ask them how they are, and do not be afraid to ask if they have thought about suicide. Look that monster in the eye. This will not make suicide more likely. If they are honest with you and admit to suicidal feelings, and have a plan of how they would do it, it’s time to call for help - contact the mental heath emergency team in your region or 111.
If you are a young rural bloke reading this now and are feeling despair, this is what I would say to you. It takes guts - strength and courage to seek help. Do you have the guts to put your hand up? Suicide is forever - a permanent solution to a probably very temporary problem. Whatever is happening to you can probably be improved: jobs can be changed, there are other future-partners out there, and there are better bosses that don’t talk to you like a dog. Having run a Waves programme (suicide bereavement programme), with some of them involving rural guys, let me tell you how much your suicide would devastate your family - you are loved beyond words, even if those who love you are not currently nearby. There is a better life and a better way, but it’s hard to do it on your own. Ask for help. Show your strength. Know that you are loved and needed and wanted in this world.