Valued directions

Valued directions

One of the biggest things that I work on with all ages of clients is identifying and living in accordance to values. Values are a reflection of what really matters to us in our lives and what sort of person we want to be. Quite often with children and young people, it’s easy to get caught up in how we don’t want them to behave rather than how we do want them to behave - values identification is one way toward this. 

Values are like an internal compass. Working towards values is like pointing “East” and always striving to go in that direction, however it will never be reached because it never ends. Living to their values will allow a child to become the best version of themselves. This is how values differ from goals - goals are something that can be reached and ended. However, values can be made up of smaller goals. 

Values are something that your child gets to choose for themselves. Determining what your child’s values are can be done in several ways: listen to their conversations about what they really care about - a lot of information can be gleaned from this. For example, if your child laments about not being given a fair chance or missing out, “fairness” is likely to be a value. There are multiple online lists to sort values such as this one: https://kidsnclicks.com/list-of-values/, but some examples would be: optimism, honesty, respect, courage, patience and being loving. 

To incorporate action towards a child’s chosen action, the answer is “small goals at a time”. So for example, the value of patience might be made up of tiny goals such as allowing a younger sibling to take their time during their turn with something; busying themselves with an activity while patiently waiting on you to get ready to go out or make a meal; quietly waiting on a grandparent to finish what they are doing before being taken to the park. 

It’s worth considering that although I have written this to help your children, the same process also applies to us. Values can be a guiding light for how we want to be as a parent, a friend, a partner or an employee. When we live in accordance to our values it can allow us to live richer, more meaningful lives in all areas. 

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